Popcorn Motion Pictures and Balaji Motion Pictures in association with Sahara One Motion Pictures are gifting audiences EMI (Easy Monthly Instalments) this Diwali. EMI stars the talents of Sanjay Dutt, Arjun Rampal, Ashish Choudhary, Urmila Matondkar, Malaika Arora Khan and Neha Oberoi. In the director’s seat is debutante Saurabh Kadra while the music is handled by Chirantan Bhatt (‘Mission Mission’ and ‘Nobody Like You’ – Mission Istanbul), and the lyrics are penned by a list of lyrists comprising of Shakeel Azmi, Sarim Momin, Shabbir Ahmed, Hamza Faruqui, Junaid Wasi and Amar Valentine. The album has 8 songs, 2 of which are remixes of the original. Playback singers include Sunidhi Chauhan, Shaan, Mohit Chauhan, Mahalaxmi Iyer and Sanjay Dutt amongst others. EMI hits screens on the 29th of October this year.

An obvious item number, Chori Chori sung by Sunidhi Chauhan, who by now should have acquired a Phd in item numbers, starts the album. Bhatt gives music of a hip-hop-meets-the-Middle-East nature (re-lapse from Mission Istanbul anyone?) while Shakeel Azmi gets no points for using of the phrase ‘Chori Chori Chupke Chupke’ for what must be the zillionth time in the history of Indian music. Despite the clichéd lyrics, the music is impressive and Sunidhi Chauhan’s sexy vocals are the only thing that keeps the song from not being completely written off. 'Chori Chori' later appears as a remix where the Middle-Eastern sounds are exchanged for techno-club-like music. It neither hinders nor improves the original.

Mohit Chauhan sings the romantic Ankhon Hi Ankhon Mein. In light of his past performances in Jab We Met, Kismat Konnection and the recent duet in Welcome to Sajjanpur, this time his rendition seems half-baked and lacking in passion. Lyrics by Sarim Momim are well-written while Bhatt impresses with the acoustic guitar arrangements in the music.

Listener discretion is advised for EMI, the title track, as it goes from being a street-smart number to a rap, a classical number with some Punjabi beats and meaningless English phrases thrown in for good measure. If one does not want to witness an assault on music, it is advised that you skip the track without even listening to it. It is sung by Sanjay Dutt, (who should not be allowed to sing) Earl, Suzan and Mahalaxmi Iyer, who clearly just sang this for a paycheck. One wonders whether Hamza Faruqui and Shabbir Ahmed were intoxicated when they wrote this monstrosity of a song. The remixed version at the end of the album keeps the horror show running.

After the horror of 'EMI', Shaan can easily be forgiven for any unsavory performance on his part in Aaja Aa Bhi Ja. Bhatt tries to get back into the good books with this disco number akin to the likes to 'Hawa Hawa' by Hassan Jhangir. Shaan impresses with his enthusiastic vocals and is well supported by Suzan and Rishi. Meanwhile, Hamza Faruqui sobers up and manages to pen some decent lyrics. The rap is not as painful to the ears but could have been done without.

Roshan Har Dil is a peppy number about life, love and dreams. While it is well rendered by Paarthiv, the music and the lyrics (Junaid Wasi) are quite run-of-the-mill. Also, the female vocals given by Joy and Neisha are rather annoying. In its entirety, the track is one that would not be missed.

As if the atrocity of 'EMI' was not enough, listeners are introduced to its equally repulsive sibling, Vote for Sattar Bhai. Rendered distastefully by Ninaad Kaamat, the street-smart lyrics have been penned by Amar Valentine while Bhatt plays accomplice to this music massacre. Listeners are advised to make optimal use of their delete and skip buttons.

The album comes to a close with remixes of Chori Chori' and 'EMI'.

In short, EMI is an unimpressive album, if not a drastic one. 'Chori Chori' is the only track out of the eight that may have a chance (hats off to Miss Chauhan). Expect the CDs to hit the bargain stands, be given out for free or just be thrown in the trash. Even the piracy industry will give this one a miss. Music enthusiasts are no doubt cursing the wretched day of EMI’s music release.

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